Learn more about Josh and his story below!

Josh is the newest member of our KOH Advocate team, a past King’s Council member, and a current Roundtable member.
He has been incredibly active in the community, and we are happy to have him on our team in a deeper way.

Tell us about your story of navigating life as a man. (Challenges, milestones, desires, mental health experience)

We’ll start this story of manhood at the age of 18. TGFS. Thank god for sports. It was the only way I could have felt “initiated” into the world of being a man. Or at least what I thought it was.

I was challenged with certain notions that being in a faithful relationship with a single partner was less masculine and meaningful to the group than checking off high numbers of one-night stands or that your worth was measured in how well you could handle copious amounts of alcohol. And after five years of it, I checked out. I dropped the sports, left the province and social circles I grew up in and started school again. By chance, I found a calling; a career in which I could help improve the lives of others, something in which I could feel more valued for all my hard work.

The plot twists again; another mask. After school, I returned to my homeland to share all of the learnings and growth I had done as a person over four years of life away. The catch was that in deriving so much joy in helping others, I had forgotten to turn the torch inward and shine the light on the most important person in anyone’s life; themselves.

So a pandemic began, and through all the fulfillment of goals and becoming who I thought everyone thought I should be, I found myself overworking and under-fulfilled. So I left home for a second time.

This time it was to unravel who I was under the cover of all the masks I had put on. Shortly after my move to Calgary, I heard a podcast about men’s work. I had essentially lone-wolfed my whole life since University, cutting off or reducing relationships with many men, even those who had helped me so much through difficult periods.

It was that initial search that led me to King of Hearts. I listened, and whenever it was my turn to speak, I stuttered; I held back; I had no idea how to be vulnerable outside female partners who double-dutied as psychologists. But showing up and seeing others sharing many of the burdens I carried did something to me. It allowed me the space to begin to feel comfortable sharing my struggles and difficulties and being supported and celebrated when I overcame them.

You don’t often get a pat on the back for being vulnerable, staying true to your values, or setting boundaries, but here was a group where you could find all that. We shed the skin of lone wolves and became a pack, also becoming a higher version of ourselves in the process. I now know what initiation into manhood and what healthy masculinity looks like. I am excited to carry the torch forward for others through KOH.

Scenario: A man in your life struggles with mental health (emotional storm, spiralling downwards, stuck, etc.). What three simple actionable would you offer him to support him through this?

Get outside and move. When you feel lost in the world, it’s actually beneficial to go out, and by physically ‘lost’, you will find answers there. Also, getting back into the physical body when everything’s whacking out mentally is a great way to realign, whatever that looks like for you.
Find some way to attach to the community. Men’s groups such as the KOH would be ideal, but getting out, connecting and giving your time and presence to something beyond yourself also helps shine a light on how important you can be in this world.
Find a container in which you can share (and receive) openly. Don’t get stuck alone. Once again, this can be a Men’s group (my preference), but it could be a friend, family member, or someone you can confide in to help carry the load/take some of the weight off your shoulders.

What is your definition of a healthy and conscious version of masculinity?

Being aware of your situation and the people surrounding you, being able to listen, taking in information and your own emotions, aligning your/the group’s values, and then deciding where and what (if anything) needs action. Day by day.

What are a few masculinity stigmas you have had to reimagine along the way?

Your financial ability to provide is a good gauge of your masculinity level.

Your masculinity grows by bottling up your emotions to keep the peace and avoid difficult conversations.

Love/life is give and take. Ex: the more I can provide, the more I should seek in return (Covert Contracts in relationships).

Who are your current role models/mentors/inspirations regarding heart-based leadership? Explain in detail why.

Andy, Yenukwa and those who sit at our roundtable every second Sunday for showing up, sharing struggles (and when they overcome them), and being real people with whom we can share anything. It helps to have real-life examples of what it looks like to have better awareness, take leadership of your own life and serve the people around you.

Dr. Zach Bush, primarily because I’m a health-focused guy, and his views on the importance of connection to yourself, your environment, and your lived experience in overall well-being ring true to my soul.

Dev and Sarah (friends). Carrying heart-based leadership into my relationships is my biggest challenge. They are both an example of what that looks like and a tremendous resource and inspiration when needed.

What has been your biggest life lesson as a man thus far?

Learn to listen and follow your heart. Shed the masks and ideas of what you think you should do/be fall away so you can fully express what you were put on this earth to accomplish. Also, a burden carried alone is at least twice as heavy (stop lone-wolfing it!!)

Josh Blair