Nathaniel Agoye
Learn more about Nathaniel and his story.
Nathaniel is the newest member of our Advocate team and a past member of King’s Council Men’s Group. This is a man of pure integrity. He is a father, a brother, and an entrepreneur.
Tell us about your story of navigating life as a man. (Challenges, milestones, desires, mental health experience)
My story of navigating life as a man has been an enlightening one. It began in 2013 after losing a friend to suicide and a breakup that left me without a sense of identity, low self-worth and realizing that I didn’t know who I was. I began to question things about myself, question love and eventually started down my path toward self-love and self-mastery.
I met my girlfriend, now wife, shortly after I started loving myself and giving love a second chance. I learned soon enough that even though I loved myself, it wasn’t enough, and I needed to become a better person for the woman I was with. This is how I started journaling to understand my thoughts and feelings better.
I overcame my mental health struggle and can proudly say that I was no longer depressed after a few years. I felt more confident in who I was and who I was becoming. After being so pessimistic for so many years, I was optimistic about life again.
Overcoming my struggle with depression and mental health gave life a new meaning for me. I wanted to experience what it was like to truly live a life with intent, grow in relationships with others, and be someone who could impact and influence the people around me. Essentially, I found myself being called to be a leader, although I struggled to accept that calling.
Eventually, all of this would lead to me developing a morning routine that included practices that grounded me and created some discipline. My mindset was different, and how I viewed things was utterly new. I discovered that many people are struggling and trying to figure things out in their way.
My experience from struggling to thriving inspires me to want to work with other people (with men specifically) as they journey through their path of growth and discovery.
Scenario: A man in your life struggles with mental health (emotional storm, spiralling downwards, stuck, etc.). What three simple actionable would you offer him to support him through this?
I would offer him space to be vulnerable, open up about what he’s currently experiencing, and let him know that whatever he shares with me stays with me.
I would be empathetic and validate his feelings, so he doesn’t feel alone in what he’s going through
I would encourage him to try not to numb himself or run away from what he is experiencing but to feel and go through it.
What is your definition of a healthy and conscious version of masculinity?
My definition of a healthy and conscious version of masculinity is a man that is in touch with his emotions, shows up for himself + others, defends the things he values and is protective of those around him.
What are a few masculinity stigmas you have had to reimagine along the way?
One of the first and earliest stigmas I had to reimagine is that men always have to be strong. While I think that strength is a vital part of masculinity, sometimes strength is realized when you are in a weak spot or at your lowest. Struggling with my mental health and depression showed me that men could be weak, and being weak doesn’t mean you’re not a man or less of a man.
Another stigma I had to reimagine is the stigma that nice guys finish last. I believed that nice guys were taken advantage of, and most women wanted a “bad body” type of masculine, so I used to be arrogant and didn’t want to let my vulnerable side show.
I hid behind a wall of toughness and arrogance to mask my true (sensitive) nature because I was insecure about being a sensitive man and acted as if nothing bothered me and all was well.
The last one I can think of is linked to identity. I had to reimagine that men are not defined by what we do, the things we provide or the way we serve but by who we are and what we believe and aspire to be.
Who are your current role models/mentors/inspirations regarding heart-based leadership? Explain in detail why.
Honestly, I am struggling with this one because I started with a mastery/practice of mindset before diving more into the heart and emotional mastery. Right now, David Deida is my leading inspiration.
Reading his book “The Way of the Superior Man” was very enlightening to me in how masculine energy has a significant role in a relationship and how sometimes men give up some of this power and don’t know how to show up in their relationships. I followed some of his work on YouTube and listened to some interviews he has done.
Another person who is a role model for me is Hafeez Sumani. He was a physical example of that heart-based leadership and inspired me to live my life that way.
Besides those two, another guy I’m starting to find myself liking is John Wineland. I’m still relatively new to his stuff but I enjoy his vibe and how he describes things. It’s somehow refreshing.
